When I hear females saying things along the
lines of “I’m not friends with too many women because they’re too much drama,”
I can’t help but cringe. After years of experiencing all kinds of female
friendships both good and bad, I’ve asked myself the same question over and
over again. Why do women hate each other?
The truth is, most females, no matter how old
they are will tell you that they’ve survived at least one type of mean girl in
their past. Whether it was a situation that dealt with putting someone down,
being dismissed, ignored or even socially tormented, they all seem to boil down
to one thing- hatred. I just don’t understand it.
For some people they say that it has gotten
worse in the past few years considering the increase in cyber bullying, but
this issue has been around for ages. In one of my favorite books, A Tree Grows
in Brooklyn, the main character Francie describes how she feels after a group
of middle aged women torment a young 17 year old girl because she had a baby
yet she wasn’t married. The young girl decided to take an Autumn stroll down
the street in Brooklyn with her baby and that same group of women threw pebbles
at her. And no- this book does not take place during the Salem Witch Trials. It
actually takes place in 1912. Although times are slightly different now, that
same judgment and scrutiny would still be passed today- I’m sure of it.
Look at how powerfully Francie describes her
feelings towards females: “Most women had one thing in common: they had great
pain when they gave birth to their children. This should make a bond that held
them together, it should make them love and protect each other against the
man-world. But it was not so. It seemed like their great birth pains shrank
their hearts and their souls. They stuck together for only one thing- to
trample on some other woman…whether it was by throwing stones or mean gossip.
It was the only kind of loyalty they seemed to have. As long as I live, I will
never have a woman for a friend. I will never trust any woman again, except
maybe mama.”
If this doesn’t break your heart, I have no
words for you. Why do some of us seemingly hate our own gender? As women we
should be allies to each other, not be taught to hate and compete with each
other. Why should this be the case?
There’s just a plethora of confusion that makes
absolutely no sense. Honestly, I think the hatred for other women comes from
within. Once a woman hates herself, it’s easy to get her to hate another woman.
I say this because if a woman who hates herself sees a woman who seemingly
doesn’t hate herself, it’s easy to project the internalized negativity onto
her. Think about it. How many times have you heard, “Who does she think she
is?” “She’s not all that anyway” “Why is she so full of herself?” This is true
for all humans, not just women. It is human nature.
It pains me to think that we have this mentality.
Society has us pitted against each other and seems to want to keep us from
being whole and healthy as individuals and as a group. We should be and need to
be celebrated by each other so that we can stand united and fight against
injustice toward our gender. Women should empower each other instead of being
so hateful towards each other.
This feels like an uphill battle, but I believe
that we can and will be able to make it to the top. It starts by loving
ourselves and loving each other.
